i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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