upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
