If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
