FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
