found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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