OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
