Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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