My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
