fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
