Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
