I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
