cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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