If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
