Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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