dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
