My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
