THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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