To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
