I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
