I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need a hoe opinion
go on
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
