Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
