this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
