im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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