We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
