I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's always time for handjobs
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
