I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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