Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
