Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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