put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My pussy is not your playground.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize