I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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