is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
