First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
