I could make wine with my vomit
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
