i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
