i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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