The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize