Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
