She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
COCAINE IS GR8
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
