a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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