Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
