Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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