I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
