You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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