giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
