The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
