We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
organizing the empties. That sober.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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