My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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