We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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