if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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