He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh god the rape fog is back!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
