Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
