I hate your face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Acid is not a monday night drug
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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