we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need Xanax blowdarts
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
