You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
