This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
