does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
