3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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