after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
