My room smells like vodka and shame
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
