i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
