We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
