His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
wow bdsm is so cute
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
