Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
