if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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