I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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