omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
