I think I won the penis lottery.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
