capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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