I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
