I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
