omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
