There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
