I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
