My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
