You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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