I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
