I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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