drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
