clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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