I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
