Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't make out with my wife yet
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
