he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vagina is officially offended.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
