I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
