Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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