I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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