I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
