Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
