My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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