Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
