Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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