I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
