Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
