In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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