Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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