I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
