Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
