I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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