you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
