This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
