Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
